It’s hard to believe that this morning I finally was under 230lbs (229lbs to be exact). I didn’t think I’d ever be under 300lbs again back in 2009 when I was over 380lbs. It was an unexpected moment as I stood there looking at the scale and I thought maybe I should get a picture to mark the occasion, but I didn’t. I jumped off and looked at myself in the mirror and even though I’d physically changed how I looked. I still had a mental picture that I was still “fat”. I searched for answers as to why this popped into my head and I had to step back and tell myself that I’m not “fat” I’m “fit”. I see more muscle definition, less love handles, and not a big ole belly, so progress is progress.
Fighting that fat mentality is a much more difficult fight. Years of looking in the mirror at the old you has ingrained this image of you that doesn’t just go away over night. I still see some of the extra skin which is always hard to over come. You feel it when you’re running and you have to wear compression gear so that it’s not painful during activities. It affects your self worth and confidence and it doesn’t come back over night. So why is it that even after losing so much weight people still feel mentally fat? Well I don’t know I can only speak from my experience. We turn on TV and see infomercials with “fit” models demoing equipment. When we are in the gym we see guys and girls who have devoted their lives to being “fit” so we start to associate the 2 that in order to be “fit” we need to have this certain physique about us. For men it’s we need to have big arms, pecs, and a 6 pack. Ok some lat’s don’t hurt either. We (fat people) are brought to believe that there is a singular one-size fits all body type. When in fact that just is not the case and I’m starting to realize that. I’m an endurance athlete whose body physique will not be what you see on those commercials or any of the brands that the fitness industry is promoting on their products. At least not at a competitive level. It’s just not possible for certain people’s body to do things when they are not built for it. Just like an endurance athlete could not go out and powerlift at a competitive level.
It’s not a joke or a myth that your mind controls your body in every single facet of real life. It’s been a slow transformation for me in believing that I’m no longer that 350+lbs guy or 250+lbs guy and as I start doing more and more things that I at one point thought impossible to me (Half Ironman, Ironman, under a 2 hr half marathon, running a 6 min mile) and embracing the mentality that it’s not about what I look like with my body, it’s about what I can achieve with my body. So as I approach what will most likely be 220lbs of racing weight it will be interesting to see where the journey takes me. It’s starting to move from not losing weight but losing fat, so soon I’ll be back to some weight training on a more regular basis.